Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
