discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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