You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
You left your phone here
Wait...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
