wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
