we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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