Your face is a jimmy john
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
