Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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