it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
