this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize