hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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