I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
