I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
