VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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