I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
