I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
