I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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