I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
