i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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