We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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