You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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