They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
