i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
