Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
