you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
