Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
