Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
