this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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