i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
