I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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