if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
