go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
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