so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I had to cum in my sink.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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