So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I fill condoms, not promises.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
