Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
