Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
