So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
