I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
