3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
