just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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