so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
