I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
