I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
