I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
