so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
