i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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