I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
