so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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