They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
