I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
