I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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