He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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