he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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