i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
