love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
