he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
