I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
