I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just blew my weed a kiss
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
