now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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