Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
