I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
