Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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