spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
