we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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